This week I returned to work. It was a very difficult week. The last time I was there I had a big belly. I work at a couple different Assisted living facilites and run into several people throughout the day. I couldn't help but try to have tunnel vision and just try to see as few people as possible. When I did see somebody of course they would ask with a big smile on thier face how was the baby. It was extremely difficult having to say the truth. I felt bad for them knowing they were just being friendly and now they felt awful and had no idea what to say. I wanted to say something to let them feel better but all I could say was that it's OK. I'm not sure how they took it but that is all I knew to say. I know as I run into more people I will be asked that question. It is hard having to respond so many times. It brings up a flood of emotions which I can control only sometimes.
I know the more I talk about her the easier it will get. God is helping me cope. As I start a new week I will continue to see more and more people. I hope I don't break down.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Our Little Angel
It has been 1 month today since Brooke went to be with Jesus. It feels like an eternity yet the pain is still just as strong. The holidays have come and gone. A new year has begun. Life continues to go on.
Since this is obviously the most devastaing moment in my life this far, feelings that I feel have never been felt to this extreme. I read anything I can find at the bookstores and on line about coping and I guess I am pretty textbook with my thoughts. I guess it helps knowing I'm not wierd. I am at the point where I feel I need to talk about it but don't want to talk about it. It does make me feel good when people ask me about her even though I break down every time I hear her name.
I have decided to turn this blog into my outlet. I can freely talk about her and whoever would like to comment can. My heart is so full of emotions I hope I can make sense of them.
She has changed our lives forever. I need to write down my thoughts. It makes me feel like she is still close and I never want her to fade away. I know she wont but in my crazy head I feel that if I "move on" I will be without her. That hurts as well.
So Brooke... mommy is here and will ALWAYS be here for you! I love you!
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